Real Journey #1-It's What I Do

My typical day is not a "typical" day. Everything from fixing an almost 8 yr old his favorite TODDLER cereal or lifting him into the car or changing a diaper STILL to the extremes such as having a full out battle to make sure he doesn't injure his sister when he gets upset about her crying or his infamous hobby of diaper digging. My day is far from what the standard parent goes through and I dare them to compare. I find myself almost getting upset sometimes when I hear a parent of a typical child complain. Only if they knew what we as parents of special needs kids endure.

But anyway back to my day, after working my 9 to 5, I was anxious to get home. Our evening rituals were going as smooth as silk. That was until Taylor (CJ's 1 1/2 yr old sister) was denied access to something she wanted. She started into her crying and screaming which immediately and like clockwork set CJ off. You see CJ (also diagnosed with DS) has autism so he doesn't process emotions like the rest of us. He internalizes his sister's emotions and then doesn't know how to respond appropriately. His instinct is to "attack" possibly in an attempt to tell her to stop or maybe just because he doesn't know what to do with his body or how to control it when he feels, what we would deem, normal emotions.

With all of his force he pushed his baby sister, sending her into an escalated scream. I'm currently suffering symptoms from a slipped disk in my back but instantly I had to try and hold this angry child back. CJ may be small but he is STRONG. He made multiple attempts to lunge at his sister as I fought desperately to hold him back. He finally made contact with Taylor and slammed her into the ground. He then turned on me and began to fight me and attempt to bite. He bit at my arms, legs, and finally got a hold of my shirt. I began to panic because this was the worst episode in a long time. I could do nothing but scream and cry out of sheer panic, fear, desperation, and sadness. I went into a level of emotion I hadn't experienced before--I was scared of my son for the very first time. Seeing his mommy react in such a way must have shocked him because he began to calm down slightly. At this point I was able to remove him from the room and put both kids in a safe space.

After this traumatic episode I spent time alone to just have my meltdown and cry. I sobbed and sobbed. I then regained my composure and spent time with both kids individually, talking to them as if they understood my every word. I hugged them and held them. Even through all of this....I love them dearly. Each day and every unique challenge.....I chalk it up to the idea that "THIS IS WHAT I DO."

I was able to put Taylor to bed and let CJ have some alone time. I went back into the room to check on CJ to make sure he was okay and discovered something else. He went "diaper digging"--I'll let you figure that one out. I hear parents complain about changing diapers and I think "Are you kidding me?" I deal with bowel movements on the bed, walls, clothes, mouth, hands and anywhere else you can think of. Tonight...I spent an extra 20-30 minutes cleaning and using the whole package of wipes. This was not a rare occasion folks....it is what my son does and "IT IS WHAT I DO."

I thank God that he entrusted me with CJ because each day I realize that everyone is not equipped to handle a challenge such as this. My mom tells me everyday that my kids are lucky to have me because most could not do it. Although I am a single parent, fighting physical impairments, and financial constraints--God provides me with just enough to make it through. You don't have to be a religious person to know that there is something above and beyond your strength, that is allowing you to care for your special child. Although it is what we do...it exceeds and reaches far beyond the word LOVE.